She sleeps until noon, showers at two, leaves with friends, comes home at ten, then cooks noodles at 1 a.m. like a tiny divorced man.

I asked what her plan was for summer. She said “being alive.” Okay poet.

I am not trying to schedule every minute. I also do not want to fund three months of snacks and transportation while she floats through the house like a renter with no lease.

She does chores when asked, eventually. Her grades were good. Maybe I should let her rot a little.

How much structure are yall giving teenagers over summer? Because mine has entered witness protection.

The post Summer Break Started and My Teen Disappeared appeared first on Mom WTF!.

There were speeches. A slideshow. Individual awards. Two songs. A prayer. Another song. Then every child walked across the stage while someone read a paragraph about their future plans.

One kid wants to be a dinosaur. Respect.

I love my niece. I clapped hard. But by hour two my lower back was filing paperwork and somebody’s toddler was licking the railing.

When did finishing kindergarten become a state occasion?

Give them cupcakes, take twelve pictures, let us leave before the sun changes position.

The post Graduation for Kindergarten Was Three Hours appeared first on Mom WTF!.

Inside was every worksheet, drawing, math packet, half finished booklet, and mystery scrap of construction paper from the entire year.

I respect his work. I do. But why did the school store it for nine months just to transfer the disposal decision to me?

He wants to keep all of it. Including a spelling test with a 42 and a picture of what might be a horse or a regional weather event.

I saved a few things and put the rest in recycling after bedtime.

He asked this morning where his “school memories” went. So now I am apparently a history destroyer.

The post The School Sent Home Every Paper Since August appeared first on Mom WTF!.

Spa basket day. Like that is a normal phrase I should already understand.

By then I had worked ten hours, one kid had practice, and the grocery store was closed. So Friday morning I bought a fifteen dollar gift card at the gas station and put it in an envelope from an old utility bill.

My daughter said everybody else had cute bags.

Her teacher deserves nice things. Truly. She also deserves a parent who knew there were five separate daily themes, but unfortunately she got me.

Is a gift card still a decent thank you, or did I look like I remembered her while buying windshield fluid?

The post I Forgot Teacher Gift Week Entirely appeared first on Mom WTF!.

Monday was movie day. Tuesday was hat day. Today is bring a towel and wear neon. Tomorrow they are having popsicles outside.

My fourth grader has not opened a notebook in nine days, but I still have to drag him out of bed, make lunch, find one clean sock, and sit in car line behind seventy people who have also spiritually checked out.

I know teachers are tired. I am not blaming them. I am blaming the calendar.

Release us. We have completed the sentence.

Does the last week count as school where you live, or is everybody just holding children until noon?

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